Sure you love your girlfriend but that does not deter you from wondering why the skirt hemline of that cute girl from work always rides upwards. From time to time you have lavished her with that crooked, slow smile you reserve for those rare occasions, and on the drive back home guilt-tripped yourself into believing that you are the dishonest partner. It's not to say that you shouldn't have a radar for pretty faces and endless legs teetering on pencil heels, but your sheer resolve to pursue such an acquaintance can make the difference between loyalty and infidelity.
The desire to break free from a relationship takes root in the notion that commitment is a house without windows, one that doesn't allow you to take a pause and soak up the scenery. There is too much pressure on the man to keep his 'committed' status in mint condition that he often forgets to let his hair down and go with his instincts.
We ease some pressure off you by pre-empting potential situations you could find yourself in with that sultry dame, and how to not blow it up.
Miss bedroom eyes and you-at a pub
You are celebrating your promotion with colleagues in a pub. When you go over to the barman to fix you a drink, she hurls herself at the counter demanding a quick drink and smiles apologetically at you. You let her have her turn first, but wonder if she would stay sober enough to get herself home safely.
Do: Women too drink, and yes they can hold their drink. "Her throwing herself at the counter doesn't indicate she is depressed and in desperate need of a stiff drink. So free yourself of the moral burden of worrying after her safety. Instead, try to make a small conversation with her right when she is buying her drink. It is possible she may think you are a nice guy and invite you over to join her with her gang. But do not make the mistake of hunting her down and then approaching her," asserts Dr Bhavna Barmi, senior clinical psychologist and marital therapist, Escorts Heart Institute, New Delhi. Remember, women have an antennae for stalkers, even prospective ones.
Word of caution: Don't lose focus of the evening, which is about celebrating your professional success. Says she, "By letting her buy her drink first, you have already made a display of your chivalry which the woman in question has registered. Do not immediately blow it up by making some obscure observation about women drinkers, instead pay her a casual compliment about her choice of poison, or the place in general. Then return to your buds, knock back your drink, and tomorrow will be a new day."
Miss voluptuous and you-at work
From where you sit, you get a diagonal view of her work station, of course with her in it. And each time she leaves her desk you can't help notice her tight backside as she walks by. You muse what it would be to draw her attention and make a few colleagues jealous in the process.
Do: Read the situation well before you move in for the kill. "Start off with a casual conversation about the cafeteria food,, or anything of relevance to both of you. By trying to impose your hobbies in your very first meeting, you could come off as desperate. Though you have already carried out a background study on your subject, do not make it apparent in your conversation, else she might write you off as an office weirdo that needs to be given a wide berth," says Dr Barmi.
Word of caution: She insists you keep your exchanges as fleeting as possible and try to include other colleagues too in your meetings. While it is alright, she says, to share a healthy camaraderie, but don't go overboard by introducing her to all your friends and perhaps your partner too unless it is totally necessary.
Miss internet bunny and you-on social media
You have met this really hot girl on the social media and have gotten post the initial polite conversations about your work and hobbies. You feel a simmering curiosity to ratchet it up with some flirtatious text exchanges, albeit you don't hope for anything serious in return.
Do: Does she want to flirt back with you over texts? "If she shows interest maybe you couldRelationshipsboth exchange some naughty messages and laugh it off later. It's critical she only has a virtual presence as far as you are concerned, else it might spell doom for your relationship with your spouse," says she.
Word of caution: Your text exchanges with her may be risque, and you may even have fantasisedabout her, but refrain from making it a habit. "If compulsion seizes you, look for other healthier outlets such as organising a reunion with your old friends, or taking a small vacation with your family. At the end of the day, your virtual liaisons should not prevail over the real ones," she adds.
Know what she thinks when you flirt with other women
'I don't mind if a handsome stranger buys me a drink'
Mahima Dayal Mathur, musician, freelance writer
Flirting offers a perfect ego boost. I am absolutely fine if my boyfriend flirts with other women, or goes out for drinks with them. In fact I too would flirt with a good looking man at a bar who offers to buy me a drink. But sleeping with another woman is definitely infidelity, and if my partner ended up in a situation like that I would want him to confide in me first. You cannot rule out meeting some smart, intelligent people along the way who will charm the pants off you.
'I feel proud when my man attracts beautiful women'
Indrani Sen, marketing professional
My husband always manages to attract smart, intelligent women at gatherings, and the conversations usually end up getting quite intense, intimate even. It makes me proud of my man. Assures me that I made the right choice.
'Flirting makes me feel single again'
Pritika Sardana, corporate communication manager
When you are flirting with someone, you begin to feel you are single again, and that positive burst of energy is reflected back in your relationship with your partner. My husband and I work in the same company, and I know of the pretty girls he socialises, maybe flirts with. I find it absolutely healthy as it is an extension of his sexuality. It also implies that I can have my set of male admirers too.
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